Chapter 41 – Reunion

After practice John approached Braylin where he was changing into his street clothes. Pulling at his fingers he lifted red rimmed eyes “well…did you?”

“Yeah,” he grunted as he pulled his shirt over his head.

“And,” John prompted, impatient for answers.

Braylin raised an eyebrow, watching his friend closely “and he wants to talk to you.” He smiled softly watching the anxiety melt from his friend’s eyes.

“He’s okay then?” he asked. “He was just ghosting me.” 

Bray gave his friend a sharp look hearing the angry tinged words. “How much do you know about his injuries?”

Frowning John shrugged “what’s that got to do with anything?”

“A lot,” turning he slammed his locker door shut. Grabbing John’s arm, Bray led him from the noisy locker room.

“What’s the big idea?” John demanded pulling away from Braylin. 

“I need to tell you something without the others over hearing,” Bray explained.

“He doesn’t want to see me,” John’s face fell. “That’s it isn’t it? He just wants to tell me to get lost.”

Sighing a little, Bray wondered if he should just let John find out for himself. He doubted John would recover from the shock of seeing Wally arriving in a wheelchair would help the situation. “Calm down and quit jumping to conclusions.”

“I am calm,” irritation creeping across his face. 

Smiling with understanding, Bray knew the rollercoaster of emotions his friend must be experiencing at the moment. He knew from experience that it was even worse since John hadn’t had a drink in over 24 hours. “He wants to see you,” at least he hoped that was true. “It’s just that Wally was afraid of how you would react to seeing him in a …”

“What do you mean?” John shouted interrupting him “I love him. I don’t care what he looks like.”

Tilting his head to the side Bray gave his friend a long thoughtful look. “I don’t doubt that you do but I don’t think Wally knows that. He’s afraid that you’ll look at him differently once you see him, which is why I’m going to tell you first.”

“Tell me what?” John’s voice rose causing several people on the ice to look in their direction.

“Wally was paralyzed. From the waist down,” he explained. He watched the blood drain from his friend’s face as he continued “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this. Wally’s in a wheelchair.”

“Oh” the single word seemed to explode from deep within him. “Oh,” he repeated a hand reaching out as if needing something to hold on to.

Bray moved in quickly, pulling John close, holding him as John absorbed the shock. “It’s going to be ok. You’ll see. Wally just needs to know you still love him.” He didn’t know if what he was saying was having any effect but he kept talking, hoping that it would help.

***

A couple of hours later Braylin sat alone watching as John paced back and forth between one picnic table and another. He down on his bottom lip to keep from telling his friend to calm down. It wouldn’t do any good. He’d said it before with little to no effect.

John came to a stop in front of Bray. “He’s not coming,” he crossed his arms in front of himself.

Bray could sense how guarded and defensive John was becoming. “He’ll come,”he assured John, hoping he wasn’t setting him up for disappointment. “Let’s give it ten more minutes and if he isn’t here then I’ll call him.”

Nodding John couldn’t keep the anxiety from clouding his eyes. His deepest fear was that Wally wouldn’t come. He was afraid Wally would be disappointed in him for having slipped up. Shoving his hands into his pockets he turned and started pacing again. He’d give anything for a drink.

Mumbling to himself as he paced between picnic tables. Turning, he tripped over his own feet, reaching out his hands to steady himself against a nearby tree. 

“John?”

The familiar voice made his heart leapt into his throat. His head jerked upwards, gulping audibly “you … you came…”

A slight lifting of the corners of his lips brightened Wally’s face. “I almost didn’t…” His eyes swept across John taking in everything. The way he tried to hide the trembling of his hands. The puffy red rimmed eyes. “You look terrible.”

Grunting “I’ve been better.”

Turning his face away Wally said “yeah I know.”

“I didn’t mean…” falling to his knees he wrapped his arms around Wally desperate to keep him from leaving. “Please don’t go. I … I need you.”

“Need me,” he scoffed, “no one needs me. I’m worthless.”

Lifting his head from Wally’s lap “you’re not worthless.”

“I am,” he cried “I can’t work. I can’t do anything.” His fist pounded into the arms of this chair. “All I do is take up space. I wish I were dead.”

Wincing as if someone had slapped him, John’s eyes searched for Braylin as if he hoped he would tell him what to do. “You don’t mean that. There’s plenty you can do.”

“NO there isn’t,” he shook his head. “Everyday people stare at me like I’m some kind of freak show. They pat themselves on the back for holding a door open for me while their eyes look on me with pity.”

“That doesn’t make you nothing,” John protested. Licking his lips as his mind raced for something else to say. He croaked out something that didn’t even sound like a word before he snapped his mouth shut afraid of saying something insensitive or stupid.

“I should go,” Wally said, hands gripping the wheels attempting to back away. 

“No don’t go,” John pleaded, arms tightening around Wally refusing to let him go. 

“You’ve seen me,” Wally hissed. “You know I can’t offer you anything. I’m broken…”

“Stop saying that,” John snapped, releasing his hold around his waist. Lifting his hands he cupped Wally’s face between his hands “you’re everything to me. I don’t care what anyone thinks. You’re my everything.”

“But I…I can’t give you what you want.” He tried to move his face, to hide behind the hands holding it.

“What I want is you,” John said looking him in the eyes, refusing to let him hide.

“What about all of our plans? The family we wanted?” Wally protested, determined to show him that he was nothing. “I can’t have kids…” tears trickled down his face “I can’t give you anything…”

John rubbed his thumb across Wally’s face, drying the tears “what I want is right here. Everything else doesn’t mean anything without you.”

Sniffling Wally shook his head “but it was our dream…”

“Dreams change besides who says we can’t still have it all?” Lifting Wally’s chin up “unless you don’t want me anymore?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know,” he placed a soft kiss on Wally’s forehead “maybe because I’m an alcoholic. Some people would even call me worthless.”

“You’re not,” Wally protested.

Pressing a finger to Wally’s lips “let’s not fight over who’s the most worthless.”

Chuckling a little “you’re right. What are we going to do now?”

“I think we should move in together,” John suggested “that way you can take care of me.”

“You do need quite a lot of care,” Wally acknowledged.

“I do,” he agreed. “Are you up for the job?”

“I’ll do my best,” this time when John slipped his arms around him Wally didn’t tense up at his touch.

***

It was almost midnight by the time Bray walked into the dark little apartment he was renting while he was in the city. Turning on a light his eyes were greeted by how empty the place was. He missed all the things he associated with a home. Most of all he missed his family. Glancing at the time he stifled a groan.

He should take a shower but if he did then he might not have time to call home. An image of Trebor lying on the bed waiting for his call made up his mind. He pulled his phone out, a tired hello greeted his ears as he set his phone down on the dresser as he began to get undressed. “Don’t sound so excited,” he teased, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Bray,” the disembodied voice perked up noticeably. “I was wondering if you were going to call tonight or not.”

“Would I miss a chance to hear your voice?” He chuckled a little “sorry I’m calling so late. It’s been a rough couple of days.”

“Tell me about it,” Trebor requested, his voice was soft and low.

“Is Blake in there with you?” he asked. 

“He misses you,” Trebor explained “tell me about your day.”

“Are you sure?” he asked “I know you have an early shift at the hospital and sleeping with Blake is going to be rough.” Blake was a restless sleeper who hogged the bed.

“Don’t worry I’ll carry him to his room before I go to bed,” Trebor said “besides you have practice in the morning and it’s later there than here.”

“Are you keeping tabs on me?” he chuckled glad to hear Trebor’s caring tone.

“Always,” he said, “how did things go? DId Wally show up?”

“He did and it went better than I hoped it would,” he went on to tell Trebor everything. “I think they really do care about each other.”

“That’s good right?”

“I hope so.” he sighed “it’s going to be difficult.”

“It will,” Trebor fell silent a moment before asking “what’s bothering you?”

“I just hope they’re not expecting too much,” he ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to see either one of them hurt anymore than they are already.”

“It’s a chance they’ll have to take,” Trebor said “If it’s something they both want they’ll both work at their relationship to make it work. If we can do it they can too.”

That brought a smile to Bray’s lips. “Yes we did,” his face contorted as he tried not to yawn.

“Go to bed,” Trebor ordered “We’ll talk more tomorrow night.”

“Alright,” he reluctantly agreed. “Love you.”

“Love you too sweetheart,” Trebor blew him a kiss over the phone.

Grinning, Bray turned the light off as he crawled into his bed. For the first time in his hockey career he wanted the season to speed by so that he could go home to his family. He never thought he could ever love something more than hockey. He was glad to admit he was wrong. There was definitely more to life than hockey.

Chapter 40 – Wally

Worried about his friend, Bray decided to spend the night on John’s couch. He lay on the too short couch staring up at the ceiling wondering if this was how his parents felt when he slid back into drinking. He’d be lying if he said he never craved a drink. There were many times over the years when the stress was so bad he wanted to drown in alcohol to make it all go away. More than once he found himself reaching for a case of beer in the supermarket or driving into the liquor store parking lot. The craving never went away. There were just days you didn’t notice it as much as others.

If he were in John’s shoes would he have gone back to former habits? If he had lost Trebor would he have tried to drown his sorrows away? He’d like to think he wouldn’t. He had Blake to think about but he’d known others who had been sober for twenty years who had lost their sobriety. It could happen to anyone. 

Throwing an arm across his eyes he tried to block out the light from the street light just outside the window. Giving up on trying to sleep he sat up, fished out his phone. Pulling up Wally’s number he wondered if maybe he should have tried harder to reach him. If he had maybe John … Shaking his head he could drive himself crazy with what ifs. Pressing the send button he waited with fingers crossed that this time he’d get an answer.

He let out an audible gasp when a hoarse raspy voice spoke in his ear. “Wally?” he asked not quite sure if the voice he heard belonged to the person he was calling.

“Yeah,” the voice grunted, “who is this?”

Grinning that his luck seemed to be holding “this is Braylin McGavin,” he introduced himself hoping Wally wouldn’t hang up on him. “Can we talk?”

“Do you know what time it is?” Wally asked, sounding none too pleased to be talking to him.

“Um,” he glanced at the time “sorry I didn’t realize.”

“Can we talk later?” Wally asked, yawning into the phone.

“Sure,” Braylin agreed “we can meet at 9:00 for breakfast? I know this great little cafe that serves the best pancakes.”

There was a slight pause while Wally seemed to be trying to decide what to do. “Yeah okay,” he agreed, sounding more resigned than happy.

“Great,” Braylin said with enthusiasm he didn’t feel. “I’ll see you there,” he said after agreeing on a place.

***

When Bray left John’s apartment the following morning John was still asleep. Closing the door Braylin let out a relieved sigh. He had hoped John wouldn’t know he left. He didn’t want to get John’s hopes up as he might not make anything better. He could make things a lot worse. He was trying to be optimistic but how could you when it’s been over four years.

He gave himself plenty of time to arrive early. He took the liberty of ordering coffee for the both of them. Ten minutes later he was beginning to wonder if Wally was going to stand him up. It was possible that Wally had forgotten the early morning arrangements but it was also entirely possible that he decided not to come.

Five more minutes ticked slowly by and Bray was thinking he should either leave or order something for himself. He raised a hand to wave the order waitress over when he noticed someone in a wheelchair struggling to open the door. Getting up, he held the door open as it seemed like everyone was content just to watch the man struggle.

“Wally?” he gasped, recognizing the man as he wheeled past him. “If I had known, I mean…” Bray struggled to string words together. How had he not known Wally was in a wheelchair? He had known he’d been hurt. Shot in the back but no one had said anything about this.  

“Surprise,” Wally mumbled as he rolled past Bray and into the crowded cafe. His cheeks flamed a brilliant red as curious eyes raked across him before hiding behind their menus.

“Um…” Bray was at loss for words. He didn’t even know if he should offer to help Wally or not. Deciding that the one thing he could do was flag down the waitress and request a different table. It was obvious that the booth where he had been sitting wasn’t going to be suitable for them. “Excuse me miss my friend and I will need a different table,” he requested once he was able to get her attention.

She stared at him, letting her eyes express how much his request irritated her. “Fine,” she snapped with barely contained anger “the least you could have done was to tell me when you first seated.”

“If I had known I would have,” he said as calmly as he could manage. “If it’s too much trouble we’ll just leave.”

Her demeanor relaxed a little upon his suggestion until a well dressed man stepped forward asking “is there a problem here?”

“No,” the waitress hastened to say before Bray had a chance to respond. “They’re just waiting for me to set a new table for them.” Glancing around the crowded room with a practiced eye “will that table in the corner be ok?”

“That will be fine,” Bray agreed, thankful that it was close to the door with enough room for Wally to maneuver his wheelchair in and out. Following the waitress he hoped their pancakes were better than their service was so far. When they were settled at the table Bray asked “was he the manager?”

“The owner,” she murmured, her lips curling a little as if the idea left a bad taste in her mouth. “What would you like to order?”

“Um,” Bray glanced towards Wally before saying “can we have menus please?”

Rolling her eyes “fine,” she walked away only to return with a food splattered plastic menu that she tossed at Braylin.

Before she could storm off Bray asked “and one for my friend.”

As if he had asked her to move the world she grabbed another menu. She tossed it in the direction of their table forcing Bray to pick it up from the floor where it fell short. He watched with a bemused expression on his face as she turned with smiles to another table. Obviously she knew who were big tippers and who weren’t. Handing the menu to Wally “we don’t have to stay here. Their pancakes aren’t worth this.”

Wally was staring at the floor “I hate this. People pretend not to see you or they stare open mouthed like you’re some kind of freak show. Then there are the ones who think your IQ went down to zero because you’re in a wheelchair and they treat you like a child.”

Braylin nodded. He’d seen it happen to ex-hockey players who had been hurt on the ice. He didn’t understand why people thought less of someone just because they were in a chair or walked with a crutch or walker. They were still the same person they had always been; their bodies just couldn’t function the way they used to.

“I’m really not that hungry,” Wally lifted his chin up looking at Bray for the first time.

“That settles it then.” Bray scooted his chair out “Let’s go. There’s a park not too far away.” Standing he tossed some money on the table to cover his coffees. He could feel the displeased eyes of the waitress following them to the door. Probably thought that they had wasted her time. They did but it was her fault. If she had treated them better they would have stayed. She only had herself to blame.

***

They moved along the sidewalk each locked inside their own thoughts. Bray tried to ignore the many stares from passing strangers. He had half a mind to ask them if they’d never seen a guy in a wheelchair before. His lips thinned with the effort it took to keep his mouth shut. Nearing the park Bray asked “is that why you broke up with John? Refused to take his calls? Ghosted him?”

Wally let his chair coast to a stop while he thought of a reply. “I was wondering when you’d ask,” he said once he came to a stop.

“That’s why isn’t it?” Bray continued coming to a stop in front of Wally. “You have to know John wouldn’t have thought any less of you. I know I don’t. You saved my life. My son’s life. Gave Trebor the means to save all our lives.”

Wally shrugged, staring glumly at his feet. He didn’t want to hear how he saved lives, not when he wished he were dead instead of trapped inside a body that didn’t work anymore.

Bray snapped his mouth shut sensing some of the turmoil rolling off of the other man. “It has to feel unfair that after everything you did that fate repaid you like this.” He wanted to say he’d trade places but would he? He couldn’t imagine living his life like that. But if it meant his son or Trebor would live? He’d like to think he would consider it a fair exchange.

Wally made a sound like a strangled sob. “I can’t have kids. Everything I had done before the case was ripped to shreds by the bullet that severed my spine.” He pressed a hand over his mouth as if trying to hold  in the sobs that were shaking his entire body. “I wanted to start a family with John and now…”

Bray knelt beside him resting a hand on Wally’s shoulder. “I’m sorry…”

“We had so many plans,” Wally continued. “We were waiting until after John retired from playing hockey then I’d take a leave of absence. Get married. Start our family.” His crumpled with fresh tears “now none of that’s going to happen.”

“Why not?” Bray asked.

“Why?” Wally blinked at Bray like the answer should be obvious. “I just told you. I can’t have kids.”

“Yeah you told me but that doesn’t mean you can’t get married or have a family.” He shook his head “It might be a little more difficult than you planned but there are ways to make your dream come true. You just have to quit being sorry for yourself.”

“Yeah right,” he snapped but there was a spark of hope that wasn’t there before.

“You could adopt,” Bray pressed on giving him options. He put up a hand when Wally opened his mouth to argue with him. “I know your condition might make things more difficult for you to adopt but it’s possible. Plus you have friends willing to help you and don’t forget about John.”

“What about him?” Wally asked unsure where this was leading.

“Why can’t he get the procedure done if having biological children is what you want?” 

“I don’t know,” he murmured, “I hadn’t thought of that. But it still might not work. I might not be able to, you know.”

“It’s something you could discuss with your doctor,” Bray asserted. “The thing is there are options but…” he paused watching Wally a moment before adding “you have to talk to John first.”

“He hates me,” his shoulders sagged at the thought of facing John.

“If that was true I wouldn’t be here,” Bray chuckled at the way Wally’s chin jerked up. “I could have just left you a message thanking you for what you did for me and my family. John’s my best friend. I want him to be happy and I think you make him happy.”

Absorbing what Bray was telling him Wally asked “do you think he’ll give me another chance?”

“He might but you have to make the first move. You have to reach out to him. Talk to him.”

Nodding “will you be there?”

He could see how much Wally needed to have someone there that he agreed even though he’d rather not. He was already involved ever since he agreed to do this for John. “Alright I’ll be there but it’s up to you and John. I can’t make this decision for either of you.”